posts here have becoming increasingly rare… partly due to time (or rather the unwillingness to commit time), and partly due to the lack of things to write. once upon a time I actually had time to write more “thinking” posts, but it seems like I’ve got nothing much to say/ask here these days. Even when I do, they’re really short. I wonder if it’s because I’m thinking less…

- – -

It feels kinda refreshing to wake up at 7am after a “double chiong” and a long sleep. Looking forward once again to the holidays… (less demoralizing than exams) so… james, gonna have gathering at your house again near Christmas?

do I bother? I guess I should find an answer to this question soon. Otherwise… But the answers aren’t quite satisfactory yet.

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Perhaps I am starting to glimpse why there exists cringing pain in corners.

I don’t like the man who doesn’t sleep, says God.
Sleep is the friend of man,
Sleep is the friend of God.
Sleep is perhaps the most beautiful thing I have created.
And I myself rested on the seventh day. …
But they tell me that there are men
Who work well and sleep badly.
Who don’t sleep.
What a lack of confidence in me.

– Charles Peguy

Also, the irony of posting this at this hour.

Let’s say I can go back in time once and influence a change in my own personal history by changing one of your “shaky decisions” or “chance event”.
Goal: Make one change that will change the most things about your life today.

Let’s try… “decision to go to rag area as a rag helper” and change it to “continue playing freespace in room.”

• Would not have met Joshuatj
• Would not have been in EW IBG Ops
• However, would most likely have join Computer Comm at CCA week, resulting in contact with Old Man 1.0 and 2.0 as well as jj anyway

So… not really much change.

Maybe we try “the Eusoff server blows up because of an old UPS”

• Would not have learnt to reinstall a server
• Would not have michael.ew.local’s first incarnation
• Would probably have started experimenting with servers in year 2 after moving the server into the new room — if mega comm structure continued. Otherwise, one skill set would be missing, but that’s it.

Not really significant either…

Let’s go further back instead…

Can I change “Attempt to apply to NUS and NTU” to “Just make do with local unis/colleges”? Maybe… in this case I can’t predict how things would be… I’ll probably be in Uni of Nottingham studying Electrical Engin or in Inti doing something electrical or computing.

So, very significant change… but “attempt to apply to NUS & NTU” isn’t really a shaky decision….

but… talking to Kelvin was what brought me to NUS and especially Eusoff Hall… so if I can eliminate Kelvin…

Lets change “decided to join ACS Band” to “did not join ACS Band”. Then:

• Majority of contact with Kelvin eliminated. (along with Jeffrey, Tiang, Christopher Ling, and possibly even otter and penguin?)
• Chance of applying to NUS? still quite high…. but chance of applying for Eusoff goes down and I would likely have applied to Temasek or Shears.
• Temasek being still largely a sports only hall, may not have accepted my application… Shears…. this one not sure… but if both failed, I’m quite sure Eusoff would still have been a choice due to location…

Also, I’m not sure “decided to join ACS Band” was really a shaky decision… (can’t really remember now, though…)

So… not really sure I can change the outcomes so much…

hmm…

and I wonder why sometimes I’m “afraid” of those people. and I wonder why the nation is so fuged up.

Things seem to be stablizing… falling into place… almost as if I’m begining to get the hang of this, rather than having things slip through my fingers.

reaching equilibrium, althoguh I suspect there’s still a term (or more?) missing, but at least for now, I don’t have to feel out of balance.

people who always appears to be stressed and overworked generally lacked personal competence, and the really capable people are usually very composed and at times appears unaffected by their work or responsibilities, or worse enjoy the feeling of stress.

dang. chronos management fail. and has always failed since a long time ago. will things change this time round? sigh.

Rag day marks the end of vacation period and the beginning of semester… Life goes on… twas… fun, I guess, to cover from 1am to 3+pm on one and a half hours of sleep…

Of course, the raggers are worse off.

But damn, school starts.

Jonathan Lee Wern Han. My second nephew (sister’s side).

Jonathan Lee Wern Han